Robocop in our apartment

So, Claire and I have been sleeping pretty soundly these nights. Grad school pretty much completely takes it out of us, so we sleep like rocks. Except for two nights now, during which, I’m not sure, but I may have had a heart attack and then come back to life. Here’s the story:

You know how, at 5 o’ clock in the morning, you’ve been sleeping for most of the night, and you’ve just hit that really deep sleep? It’s the kind of sleep where you’re not going to wake up for another hour and a half or so, and when you finally do wake up, your bladder’s about to explode. You know, that kind of deep sleep. It’s really hard to wake up from that kind of sleep.

But, there are some things that will wake you up. That (b—-) in our room is definitely one of them.

Claire and I have named her “that (b—-)” because that’s exactly how we feel about her. We have no idea why she insists on waking us up at the worst time of night, in the worst kind of manner. She’s yelling about something, but we have no idea what it is. It starts with “ATTENTION!” Claire figured that part out. But why she needs our attention so desperately is hard to make out over the beating of my heart, which is probably close to failure when this thing starts going off. It’s some kind of alarm in our building, and MY GOD, it is horrible. It’s 5 a.m., and all of a sudden, this horrible, nasty, blaring noise comes out of nowhere and then this female voice yells “ATTENTION! SOMETHING SOMETHING BLAH BLAH BLAH!” beep beep beep. And then it stops. Just enough to make me nearly pee myself and then it stops. Just enough to make Lucy practically teleport from the foot of the bed (where she’s sleeping soundly, which she only does in the very quietest hours of the night) to the tiniest, safest place under the bed she can squeeze into. After the woman yells at us, there are two more loud clicking noises, at seemingly random intervals, and then it’s all over. But we’re not sure, because who knows if it’s gonna go off again?

When this happens it’s so loud it’s like a female Robocop is yelling into our bedroom through the Camp Randall sound system. The first time it happened, I woke up in utter panic and I yelled (in what I’m sure was the least threatening voice ever) “What the f— was that!? Whoever you are in here, get out!” as my bleary eyed assessment was that we had a burglar in the house, but this burglar was yelling “ATTENTION!” at us through a bull horn. (Makes sense, right?) I got out of bed, and no one else was up, no one had left the building, and it was just like someone decided to ruin the night’s sleep for us. It took about an hour to get my heart rate back down to where I could fall asleep again.

The second time it happened it wasn’t much better. This time, I knew there weren’t the world’s weirdest burglars in our apartment, but I still could barely get back to sleep. It’s really a horrible experience to have something so suddenly blast into your ears and knock you from your deep alpha-wave, 4th stage sleep into next Monday. Needless to say, I’ll be calling the landlord about this one. What ever happened to the old fashioned smoke detectors?

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~ by gsazama on November 3, 2008.

3 Responses to “Robocop in our apartment”

  1. Ok, so someone got to our blog by searching “female robocop” on google. Turns out we’re right at the top of the second page. Let this be a lesson to all of you out there – internet search hits come from completely asinine creativity.

  2. So what happened?

    Is this your smoke alarm?

    Did you get it fixed?

  3. Yeah, it’s our fire alarm, and I haven’t figured it out yet, but I hope we can get it taken care of in the next day or two.

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